You know that song by Fer.gie? The one that goes–My London Bridges wanna go down. Or something like that. Well, I felt very Fer.gie today. Besides passing by the London Bridge, I traveled “first class”. Listen to this…

I began my day at 5am. That was after a late, late night that was made even later when the guy in the room next to us spent the entire night vomiting. Loudly. In a loud LOUD guy-vomiting way. Girls—you know about this of which I speak. When men are even a slight bit ill, there is all that moaning and crying that must accompany their agony. Don’t dispute it boys, you know it is true. And I offer you this proof: The guy next door spent approximately 5 minutes puking and then another hour and a half moaning and crying about it. Until 1am. Which means that when the alarm went off at 4:30, I had slept all of three hours. Add this in with the frat boy dorm we stayed at in Prague and I have chalked up like 12 total hours of sleep in 4 days. Awesome.

But that will not slow me down. No sir. I set out on the streets of Vienna at 5am and took the metro (to one part of Vienna) to the metro (in another part of Vienna) to the train (to go to Bratislava, Slovakia) to the plane (heading to London) to the bus (into the center of town) to the tube (to my hotel). These are the things you have to do in order to get a $60 flight to London. My determination knows no bounds.

I got into my room, which fits a bed, a small sink and an even smaller T.V. with like, at least 1 foot of space left over to walk around in, and immediately started cleaning out all the soap that had spilled in my bag. I know, I know. This is totally first class travel right here. Donald Trump is salivating at my high level of standards.

Thne I set out on the streets of London. It was about this time that I realized I hadn’t eaten since 5am. During my travels today I gained an hour (or was it 2???) moving from Vienna to London. That meant I hadn’t eaten in like 12 hours. Grrrrrrr. I found some food. A chicken pita sandwich and a salad for £9, which converts to $100 USD. Just kidding. But the conversion of money here in London is ugly for the Amerikanski. 1 of their bucks is 2 of ours. So my 9 dollar (pound, here–the money is called pounds), actually cost $18 back home. Unlike the Czech Republic where it took 22 of their bucks to equal just one of our measly dollars. So when I bought water for like 5 of their bucks, it was like a quarter in our world. At that point, I decided to put that conversion rate factor out of my mind. I ordered the medium spicy sandwich. Turns out, we aren’t in Bulgaria anymore. When they say “spicy” here, they mean OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My sinuses cleared. My forehead gleamed with shimmery sweat. Next time, I think I will go mild….

I started walking around a bit. I was half thinking I should take the double decker sightseeing bus, and I was half thinking I shouldn’t. I SHOULD because it is something I can do after 5:00pm–most attractions here close at 5)–and because I could get to know the city. I SHOULD NOT because I would be better off doing it in the morning when I will remember where stuff is, and because I couldn’t find where to buy the ticket. Turns out, I can buy it at the hostel. So that is the plan for tomorrow morning, as soon as I eat a pastry and drink my STAR.BUCKS coffee. Yup. They have it here, baby. At last… long last……

After deciding against the bus ride after a day of bus and train rides, I walked to Kensington Gardens and Kensington Palace. You can walk all the grounds without ever paying. I opted not to pay the 12 pounds/$25 (I guess I didn’t put the conversion rate out of my mind) just to see Diana’s dresses. This shouldn’t surprise you people who know me, particularly my sister-in-law who likes to call me “the anti-Christ of luxury”. But the grounds were beautiful. And it butts up next to Hyde Park (I think) which I also cruised. There was a pond with swans and trimmed lawns and rows of trees. Very serene. A nice activity after a day of high class travel.

I thought it was starting to get a bit late, so I walked back towards my hostel and found this cool internet cafe. The one I am in right now. The one that costs only 1 pound for as long as I sit here. And I have been here 2 hours reading my emails and chatting with Mark. FOR 1 POUND ONLY. God bless Western Europe.

Tomorrow….a full day of sightseeing, beginning with the big old cliche double decker bus, and hopefully on to Buckingham Palace, the changing of the guard, the Parliament buildings, the Tate Museum and fish and chips on the River Thames. You know you want to be here!!!