Life in BG

…jiggety jig! We’re on our way back, and not a moment too soon. With gusting freezing air blowing through the city, I could use a little sunshine. So please, nobody wash your cars. I don’t want to return to rain. 🙂

Well, it’s off to pack. We are T minus 14 hours to plane takeoff, and I have yet to unzip a suitcase. See you soon!

Yes, yes, we made it home! Perhaps you were worried that our plane crashed or something, since the blog has been markedly silent for….nearly a week (man, has it been that long?). But no…the plane made it here safely, as did we.

A brief synopsis of our time here so far–though I will detail all this much later. I’m just enjoying San Diego too much now to write anything decent:

We arrived Tuesday night, had some fresh avocados and tortilla soup, then promptly crashed in perhaps the most comfortable bed we have ever been in. Ok, ok, perhaps that is an exaggeration. But after 3 months of springs popping into our ribs at random intervals, it felt like the most comfortable bed ever. On Wednesday I went up to school and got mobbed by all my old students. Funny how they love you so much when you aren’t their teacher, but when you are their teacher….not so much. Thursday, well, that day I spent snoozing on the beach. On Friday, I helped my friend in her classroom, then had a pedicure (the feet seriously needed a cleaning) and dinner. And today, Saturday, I finally visited my little girl dog, Lola, and watched my niece’s soccer game in the hot, hot sun.
Where’s Mark in all this, you ask? Working, of course! Too bad for him…though he did see our other dog, Dakota, for a little bit the other night.
Of course we have already indulged in most of the foods we missed so much, particularly Mexican food, and been down to the beach a few times for walks.

I think it will be hard to return…but we’ll survive!

And that’s just what we’ve been doing. We have decided that our mission while we are here at home is to add a layer of blubber that will insulate us for the winter. Think of a whale, as it prepares for its time in the icy Arctic waters. Yes, that’s us! We have eaten our way through San Diego and all our food cravings have been filled. Well….mostly. I mean, can you ever get enough of these:

or these:

The weather has been crazy warm here. Even though I could hardly wait to be here and feel the sunshine, the heat in November makes me worry about global warming. Seriously, it does. They spotted an iceberg off the coast of New Zealand the other day, so who knows when we could see one here? I am even more convinced I need to switch to a hybrid car…just as soon as our money begins to sprout on trees… 🙂
We have at least another week and a half here, depending on the Consulate and their ability to process our visa (that is a whole other story to tell…our day at the Bulgarian Consulate in L.A….look for it soon!). I have visited nearly everyone at least once, and I am going on to Round 2, once I get through my To-Do List:

1. Eat more food to gain more blubber.
2. Get skis out of storage. Have them tuned.
3. Buy food products to put in suitcase and smuggle back.
4. Find ski clothes in storage and pack them with said skis.
5. Buy cotton tights to wear under pants in freezing cold Sofia snow.
6. Eat more food to gain more blubber.
7. Look through classroom supplies to bring back some teaching aids for my (keep your fingers crossed) hopefully new job teaching a few classes at a high school.
8. Check daily on visas (see visit to Consulate) in order to obtain above job.
9. Eat more food to gain more blubber (at this point, perhaps a seal or small shark?)

Well that about sums it up. What I have left to do here: my list, have a social life akin to Paris Hilton, warm up alongside the planet, and eat.

Isn’t the job of a consulate to assist people in applying for visas/passports/other official documents?  That was my understanding, but then again, I’ve been wrong before.  Clearly, the Bulgarian Consulate in L.A. is not there to help anyone.  Not.a.single.person.EVER.  So here’s the story:

Yet again, we drove up to L.A. to attempt to apply for work visas.  This time, we were sure we were adequately prepared with all our paperwork.  We had them all checked before we left Bulgaria, made sure we ordered fresh “original” copies from the U.S. lawyers and Secretary of State, had new pictures taken at Kink0s, and so on…

We were wrong.

We turned in all our papers and the ladies again insisted they were fraudulent or fakes.  They couldn’t be originals, she explained, because the stamps were not in the right place on the papers.  I tried to calmly tell her that perhaps someone should notify all the Bulgarian attorneys and accountants how to stamp their papers, because that is the way we got the papers.

Oh no no.  They know what to do and if it isn’t done, it must mean we forged the documents and we are really just trying to cheat the government in some way or other.  On and on this went.  Until we called the people who helped us back in Bulgaria, who then talked to the Consulate (at the rate of $2 a minute) to explain that all the documents had been shown to the appropriate ministries and previously approved.

Ahhhh……so we know people.  Muwahahahaha.  We thought we had her.

But no. we did not.  She kept yelling at us that they were making a BIG exception for us, blah blah blah.  I asked her for some of my original documents back (she insisted before that they NEVER keep them), then she refused to give them back.  She told me I didn’t need them.

Well, this was the end of my patience.  I yelled back.  YELLED.  I told her to stop yelling at me and that it was her job to be helpful.  Then……silence.  She stopped yelling at me, collected our money, moved the process forward.  Apparently these Consulate flies DO like vinegar more than honey.

Maybe it’s their mullet hairdos that prevent them from thinking clearly or answering any questions in a helpful, kind tone of voice…

But my favorite part…we owed $50, we handed over $60, and in true Bulgarian fashion, they did not have change.

“I’ll give you the difference when you come back to get the visas”, she said.

“Okay.  Could you just write me a receipt then?”

“I wrote it on your file.  They will know when you get here.”

“But I have no proof. I want something in my own hands that says you owe me money.”

“What? You think we are making a deal here?”

“No.” I said. “ I think I want to make sure you aren’t stealing from me”.  Huff, puff, and BAM! I got a receipt. (Get it?  She had been accusing us of stealing from the country all along and then I accused her of stealing from us…get it? Get it? Pure genius on my part!)

I will have the last laugh.  I hope.

So, the visas will NOT be here in time for us to make our original flight home.  And we don’t know when the visas will be here, so we’re still here.  We hear it’s freezing at “home”, so it’s not the end of the world to hang out a bit longer in San Diego.  But we have definitely noticed the difference in the cost of living here *cough* *cough*!
I am going to spend the remainder of my time here volunteering at school to help administer some tests.  I am also determined to work out daily to begin to lose a few of the pounds my beloved Mexican food packed on me….we’ll see how that goes…and I will enjoy as much of the sunshine and ocean as I possibly can.

But I do miss my hound in Bulgaria…and my little jobs there…and my little flat…and my new friends.  So hopefully, we’ll get to return soon!

Yup. You guessed it. Visa denied. Clearly the Mullet has won this round.

Tomorrow we will find out if it’s worth our time to figure out why it was denied and try to fix it. But…I have a sneaking suspicion that Mullet had something to do with it, saying the documents weren’t originals, and they actually believed her. At some point, it’s just not worth fighting anymore.

I will not be able to have a real live paying job over there, but I can still volunteer at a school. And let’s face it–I can live without the $12 a week I would make teaching there. Even so, I feel vengeance toward Mullet, and I may not be able to contain myself when I see other mullets walking around in BG.

All told, this was a HUGE inconvenience, but not the end of the world. So…we should be heading back next week. And besides, the hound misses us. He really wants to show off his new attire…

I know, I know, sooooooo Harley Davidson of him. Perhaps he’s been a motorcycle hound all along and just unable to express his true self.  Who knew???? We’re now thinking of buying him one of those helmets with the shiny silver spike on top.  Whaddya think??

So, we travelled back up to L.A. yet again today to dejectedly collect our visa-denied passports. We were all solemn on the way up there, knowing the Mullet and her Evil Stepsister would be all glib that we had been rejected and seen as the frauds they know us to be. In fact, I was so dreading the visit that I hung out in the truck while I sent Mark in to gather our papers.

But lo! and behold! the Mullet actually apologized to Mark (gasp! And folks…this should be a loud GASP! because, really, I cannot begin to tell you how mean these people have been to us) for all the mess and all the inconvenience this has caused. She even said she felt bad for us. FELT BAD FOR US! It’s amazing what one small apology can do for people. I now feel rejuvenated, energized, even in love with Bulgaria despite my illegal status.
So. I renounce my vengeance on all things mullet-y. I no longer view the hairstyle and their owners as sub-par, 80s rejects. I believe in the power of the mullet…both as a hairstyle and as a people.

But as for the Evil Stepsister, well, I just don’t quite feel the love for her yet.

May I never have to rest my eyes on that place again!

Well, the time has come, for us to go back to the land of cold. We will leave the mid-70s, sunshiny days on Saturday and be freezing by Sunday afternoon.

The travel arrangements, of course, have not been easy. Because nothing associated with Bulgaria seems to be easy. I had to cancel our original flight on Dec. 6th because of the whole work visa debacle (you’ll recall…we waited and waited only to be denied). I called United on Dec. 7th to re-schedule, asking for the following Friday, December 15th. Apparently the ticketing agent gave me the flight on December 8th instead. Imagine my surprise when I called up on Monday, the 10th, to get an e-Ticket and my ticket had been cancelled.

And what ensued was UGLY. Arguments, 4 hours on the phone with nearly 10 different representatives, supervisors calling me a liar–and nothing gets the ol’ Irish blood a’boilin’ like being called a liar!!–one agent sending me to customer relations, customer relations sending me back to the ticketing agents, trying to charge me a thousand dollars (yeah–you read that right) change-of-fare charge, blah, blah, blah. Until finally, finally, an agent found me a flight on Saturday the 16th that would not cost me an extra $1000. I mean at one point, one of the agents said,”Our agents would NEVER make a mistake like that”. Serious. He said that. As if they employ only perfect people who have never faltered.

Oh. And you might be interested to know that United now outsources all of its ticketing, reservations, and customer relations to a company in India. Ok, so they were going bankrupt, and they had to do something. And I even understand outsourcing the reservations, because we can all find out own flights on the internet these days, so that’s not a major job. But to outsource your customer relations???? Like the dude in India cares if your customers are happy and keep returning to give you more business. I can tell you most assuredly, he does NOT care. One bit. I’m thinking United must have been super desperate to outsource that department, but they really should re-evaluate how much business they lose compared to the dollars they save with this labor force. Just an idea.

And so continues my love/hate relationship with this airline. When we moved over to Bulgaria, the employees were awesome, taking excellent care of our dog, and always letting us know how he was doing. They made our re-location so easy. And yet, now….this! I am giving them another chance, but if they irritate me on the next flight, we will begin commuting between the countries on another carrier. I will find their arch nemesis and fly them.

Harumph! That’ll show them!

*p.s. I used to like that little ditty done by George Gershwin, but after hours on hold, listening to the same tune over and over and over again, I hope to never hear a Gershwin song again. Ever.

Guess what?

Today, the BG Ministry of Foreign Affaris informed us we would not be accepted back in the country because we have already used up our 90 days on our tourist visa and since we don’t have a work visa, we aren’t allowed in.

Seriously. I’m not kidding.

So we’re here. For at least all the holidays, it looks like, unless our BG attorney can pull off a “Christmas” miracle.

Seriously. I’m not kidding.

Have you ever noticed that my life seems like a bizarre novela?

And so the saga continues….

Once we heard the crazy news that we could not get back “home”, we frantically starting calling people in Sofia. Mark’s partner contacted the attorney, who contacted someone else who contacted someone else, and you see where this is heading. Apparently, we’re in! We will be heading back as planned on Saturday, arriving Sunday. We are armed with many phone numbers of many people in case we get stopped at Immigration.

But, really, wouldn’t it be funny if we got detained (Mark likes to call it quarantined, as if we are rabid dogs) and spent our holidays in a BG jail? It would really add to our story, don’t you think? So, in an effort NOT to count our chickens before they hatch, I will not tell you what we plan for Christmas. Because it could be that I plan on eating prison food, or flying back to the U.S. in some scary “deportation” plane, while in handcuffs, or be here and in jail, or something like that. So–we have no plans as of yet.

Let’s just take one hour at a time. Heh!